"you're so concerned with lessons you need to learn, and how to be for other people what no one wil be for you. You're so concerned with convincing the cosmic world you deserve what you want. Maybe that's the lesson, itself. Maybe you need to learn that you're not incomplete. Bad things happen, and good things are made, and maybe you need to learn that you can handle the bad, put yourself in position for the good. Life only moves one way. You're the one turning around this way and that to follow the patterns of everything that happened before."
methinks the lady doth protest too much, hmm?
there are too many reasons to be wrong to ever believe you're right, i think.
maybe the truth is the important thing is how many questions you ask, not how many answers you get. the trick is to make the decision before you get to worrying about whether it's right or wrong. Because making a decision is right. i once came to the conclusion that happiness could not be as simple as the absence of sadness. but then, why is bad the absence of good? i am choking on my own theories. Maybe I deserve that.
I feel more at peace with myself then I have in months, maybe closer to a year, maybe even longer. I'm no closer to making my own decisions, but i feel better about having to make them, if that makes sense. I feel better about having made the wrong decision at the right time, and now, at having to make the right decision at the wrong time. that's more then many people have. I'm trying decompression and simplification. this is what I have so far:
1. Life is simple.
2. People are complicated.
3.There is always a right answer
4. Nothing is black and white.
5. I am exactly where I need to be.
6. I am never going to be ‘finished’ what I need to do.
7. I deserve more than what I am striving for.
8. I am not owed anything
9. I can do better
10. I will do better
11. I am doing the best I can